Posted: Monday, June 27, 2011
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Thank God for church women with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: 1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER &FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
5. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
7. Remember in prayer the many that are sick of our community.
8. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who does not care much about you.
9. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
10. Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
11. For those of you who have children and do not know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
12. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
13. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions she is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
14. During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J. F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
15. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
16. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
19. The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
20. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
21. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
22. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
23. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM-prayer and medication to follow.
24. The women of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
25. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
26. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All women are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
27. The pastor would appreciate it if the women of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
28. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please Use the back door.
29. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
30. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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Posted: Thursday, June 2, 2011
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 La mujer cuando se enamora entra a formar parte de la sociedad protectora de animales.. Porque??... Porque empieza a querer una rata, a engordar un puerco, abrazar un oso, mimar un gusano, pelear con un burro, llorar por un perro, soportar rugidos de león, ronquidos de erizo y gases con olor a zorrillo y lo que es peor, conformarse con un pequeño pajarito.......ja ja ja!!!!!!!! si eres mujer pásalo! Y si eres hombre gózalo!,, jajajaja que opinan??????
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Posted: Saturday, May 7, 2011
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"Immigrate to the United States. - Attorney Advertisement" or visit: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?created&¬e_id=10150164440457060 © Samiris Ortiz
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Posted: Thursday, May 5, 2011
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_________________________ NOTE FROM SAMIRIS All I can say this time is BUEN PROVECHO jajajajaj __________________________ Menú español-inglés posted by :VelSid  Vía Diario del viajero encontramos una simpática entrada publicada en un blog de una ponferradina que nos ha hecho reír, y bastante. Se trata de la traducción al inglés de los platos y bebidas que sirven en una casa de comidas de O’Grove (Galicia). ¿Os imagináis la cara de los “guiris” al leer esta carta? The Casa Gallega Spanish covers (tapas)
Octopus to the party (pulpo a feira)
Corageous potatoes (patatas bravas)
Huge air spray with grelos (lacón con grelos)
Canes and little ones (Cañas y chiquitos)
Drink from the boot and the big joint (beba en bota y en porrón) (<-maybe this is their most popular item for their American patrons during Spring Break?)
Thin Uncle Joseph (Fino Tío Pepe) and Thin Fifth (Fino Quinta)
They will pass from Navarra (Pacharán de Navarra)
Wines from the River Ha and the Valley of Rocks (Vinos de Rioja y Valdepeñas)
Today´s menu Female Jews with Thief (Judías con chorizo)
Pretty to the Iron (Bonito a la plancha)
Special Opening Promotion: One mug of bleeding if you buy a Little Joseph of Veal (Una jarra de sangría por pedir un pepito de ternera)
Pero además, tradujeron las actividades que se realizan en el establecimiento de la siguiente manera: Animation Activities: Little Football Contest (Concurso de Futbolín)
He-dominated Tournament (Torneo de dominó)
Primitive Lottery Cudgel (Porra de lotería primitiva)
Youyou contest by couples (Concurso de tute por parejas)
Madrid Airport available to play on the tables (Barajas disponibles para jugar en las mesas) Está claro que los traductores pueden provocar la risa, ¿pasa lo mismo en el extranjero con las cartas traducidas al español?
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Posted: Thursday, March 31, 2011
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Hay un video super popular esta semana. Pueden verlo aqui: http://youtu.be/_JmA2ClUvUY?hd=1 Lo curioso es que son dos gemelitos con una conversacion muy elocuente y divertida. Pero los expertos se han quedado mudos acerca del tema del que hablan. Como soy interprete aqui tienen mis hallazgos (en orden de conversacion) DISFRUTEN "'¿donde esta tu media?" "¿la que se me esfumo de ESTE pie? que rayos voy a saber" "yo creo que la vi en el ba~o hace un rato, tu no andabas por alla? " JA" "porque cuando fui a jugar con el agua habia uno de esos nadando", "chico yo solo meti el pie una vez y de repente ZAS" "yo he metido los pies tambien pero mis medias siguen puestas" "JAJAJJA" "que bruto eres y pa' colmo descalzo mojao" "NO ME VENGAS CON JODIENDAS tu no me mandas" "y ese apeste horrible que tienes DIOS MIO" "A MI TU NO ME VAS A MANGAR es mas mi pie ni apesta ni esta mojao" "pero si estas en un charco que casi llega hasta donde estoy parao" "JAJAJAJ eso crees" "tu vas a buscar la chavada media o que?" "NI ME HACE FALTA NI LA QUIERO OLER" "SEA LA MADRE del apeste contigo" "JAJAJA" " Fuchi" "con Fabuloso se quita" "yo no se tal vez necesites algo mas fuerte" "mas fuerte?" "no puedo respirar del olor ese!" "jajaja" "ya mi nariz esta hinchada" "te he dicho ya NO ME VENGAS con tus cuentos" "pues todo esto en el piso no es cuento.... ese apeste que hueles no es cuento y viene de ti" "DEJA DE ESTAR CON SANDECES me estas cansando" "AVEMARIAPURISIMA COMO NO VAS A OLER ESE APESTE" (de fondo)--"¿donde deje esa media?"-- "ea rayos mami con la video camara esa otra vez...que vas a hacer ahora que tenemos pruebas en tu contra?" "NI ME HA VISTO NI SE PRUEBA NA.. un momento explicame algo" "QUE Rayos voy a explicarte a ti??...viste a mami y tratas de tirarme la culpa???" "la culpa aqui no la tengo JAJAJA" "Dios mio dame paciencia con este SANTO BRUTO" "NO TE OIGO MAS... mama" "SANGANO ella esta aca y tu llamandola con la nevera" "NO ES NEVERA" "ES NEVERA! DIOS MIO DAME MAS PACIENCIA CON ESTE MORON para no caerle encima con los hielitos que encontrare" Fue una cita.
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Posted: Wednesday, October 13, 2010
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As if translating is not challenging enough, here are some terms we are bound to deal with in any other language. Enjoy! 21 weird words of the 21st century: but what do they mean? 1) Frenemy
2) Cheeseball
3) Turducken
4) Catastrophising
5) LBD
6) Deleveraging
7) Tweetup
8) Soft skills
9) Staycation
10) Defriend
11) Bromance
12) Matchy-matchy
13) Cool hunter
14) Overthink
15) Hikikomori
16) Freemium
17) Chillax
18) Fussbudget
19) Steampunk
20) Bargainous
21) Buzzkill
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Posted: Thursday, August 26, 2010
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Junk mail. It's my reality. Today's winner email is exactly that. A winner. ...it has come to this..... TRANSLATED SCAM EMAILS! ready to be served among inboxes anywhere! Here is the latest culprit... To angelapaul4u@cantv.net From: angelapaul4u@cantv.net (angelapaul4u@cantv.net)  Sent: Fri 8/27/10 1:45 AM To: angelapaul4u@cantv.net This message is here because your junk e-mail filter is set to exclusive.
ENGLISH AND SPANISH
Good Day my dear,
PLEASE DO REPLY ME WITH THIS EMAIL ADDRESS: angelapual4u@yahoo.co.jp
I am Miss Angela Paul from liberia. I am an orphan being that I lost my father a couple of months ago.My father was a politician. He was assassinated by the rebels at congo during the political uprising in that country.He went to visit his friend in congo unfortunately,his friend was among of people the rebels attacked and my father was with his friend when the rebels attacked them and the rebels killed him and his friend.
So,when i got the information that my father is dead,i went to his bedroom and took his briefcase where he use to keep his important documents to my friend's house for safty.Later,i opened the briefcase and i saw a document he use to deposite nine million U.S Dollars ($9,000,000,00M) in one truck box in security company in Cote D' Ivoire as family valuables and i am the next of kin.I went to that security company and met the manager and informed him about the death of my father and i also tell him that sooner i will like them to transfar that our family valueables to our foreign family friend country and he agreed with me and tell me that anytime i am ready for that,that he will make sure that the box get to were i want it to go.
Since the death of my father my uncle has claim all that my late father has, he is so wicked, he wants me dead by all means so that nobody will ever come for my father properties.He has siezed and claimed everything belongs to my father, but he never knew about the deposite, my mother died when i was ten years old. Right now i am the only one that know all about this deposite.
Please this fund is my only hope of survival in this world, I want you to do me a favour by assisting me to claim and retrieve that box from that company.I want you to contact the security company and stand as our family foreign friend that want to help us transfar that our family valables box to your country,then they will tell you all you have to do to help me transfar the box to your country so that immediately you recieve it i will start preparing to come and met you and start a new life with you there.I promise you that i will give you 30% of total money after everything has been done.If you are interesting to help me,get back to me so that i will give you the contact of the company.
Thanks and best regards.
Miss Angela Paul
ESPANOL
hola,
mi nombre es Angela Paul, estoy de liberia. estoy huerfana, porque he perdido a mi padres . mi padre esta asesinado en Congo durante el crisis politico. estaba alla para visitar a su amigo quien era politician como él cuando los rebeldes atacan la casa de su amigo. han matado a ellos ( su amigo y él).
estoy ahora sola porque he perdido a mi madre cuando yo fue 4 años.
cuando estaba arreglado sus cosas en su cuarto he visto en su malétin un documento que compulsa el deposito de 9000000 $ (nueve millon de dolard) en una caja fuerte en una compaña de seguridad de costa de marfil. ( en la ciudad Abidjan). este dinero esta depositado como una valor familial.
ahora estoy en Abidjan . he llendo al compaña de seguridad para informar al director de la muerte de mi papa y tambien verificar por la caja. el directivo ha confirmado que la caja esta en su oficina.
como estoy la heredera quisiera que me ayuda transferir la caja en tu pais para que vengo a seguir mis estudios. desde la muerto de mi papa sus padres han tomado todo lo que tenemos ; estan ahora vivido en nustra casa.
este dinero en la compaña de seguridad es lo que me resto. pienso que sus padres no saben nada de este deposito.
por favor quisiera que usted me ayuda transferir el dinero en su pais y despues quisiera que ma ayude llegar alla. vivo aqui en el peligroso. los hermanos de mi padre quieren matarme. usted esta mi solo esperanza.
si usted acepta de ayudarme dimelo y le voy enviar el contacto de la compaña de seguridad .
si me ayuda a transferir la caja en tu pais , quisiera que me ayude usted a investir . despues de todo vamos discutir el porcentaje que usted quiere.
por favor ayudame salir de esta situacion morosa. por favor ayudame a vivir. es muy importante por mi salir de este pais rapido.
estoy esperando su respuerta.
que Dios le bendiga.
gracias.
PS: como puede usted ver no hablo bien español. he tratado, espero que me entendre.mi email direccion es: angelapual4u@yahoo.co.jp señorita Angela Paul
I'm not even going to attempt to start cleaning up this worthless message. I have way more junk mail to get rid of.... Filed in file drawer no. 13.... if you don't know what that means...just delete too!
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Posted: Thursday, August 26, 2010
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This is the story of a true story. I previously shared a version of one of my experiences as an interpreter. It was well received and I was pleasantly surprised. When I edited it, it was accepted for a short story contest! The contest is now in its final days and so far has been doing very well. I'd like to share it with those who still are unaware of some of the realities of what our job entails... VOTE & COMMENT for this story! (final days!): (You may click on the following link or the picture below) http://www.shortstorybook.net/2010/08/01/miss-interpreting-short-contest-story/  Thank you for your amazing support! Samiris Interpreter, Translator, Proofreader and soon to be award winning Author!
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Posted: Thursday, August 5, 2010
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My short story "Miss Interpreting" has qualified into the August 2010 Short Story Book contest! Please support my entry by voting (bottom of page) and giving it a star rating of your choice. Thanks for your support!: http://www.shortstorybook.net/2010/08/01/miss-interpreting-short-contest-story/
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Posted: Thursday, June 24, 2010
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(Author's note: work in evolving progress) I know you have PLENTY to share! Feel free to add to this with your comments: "Susana la vaga" -> lazy susan -> bandeja giratoria "la masa del fantasma sagrado" -> the Holy Spirit Mass -> la misa del Espíritu Santo "máquina aburrida" -> boring machine -> perforadora Translation crimes witnesses: Are you sure you want to delete this comment? One of the last "pearls" I read was "?????? ? ????" (a car in the house) as a translation from the English phrase "Auto in home" meaning a cell phone mode of work Are you sure you want to delete this comment? Schéma zapojení pro polovi?ní binární zmiji - Wiring diagram of half binary viper :-))))) Viper/adder
Viper - a snake
Adder - an integrated circuit adding two values
Have never seen a viper, which can add, subtract, etc...
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Posted: Tuesday, June 22, 2010
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Price of gas in France
A thief in Paris planned to steal
some paintings from the Louvre.
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.'
I had no Monet
to buy Degas
to make the Van Gogh.'
See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.
I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse .
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Posted: Saturday, May 29, 2010
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6 Traductores van a cenar a un restaurante latino. 
El menú sólo tiene 6 opciones distintas. Todos los traductores ordenan algo diferente. Ninguna opción del menú es repetida.  Cuando fueron servidos todos comieron lo mismo. ¿Qué comieron? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
- Cerdo.
- Chancho.
- Cochino.
- Lechón.
- Marrano.
- Puerco.
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Posted: Sunday, May 23, 2010
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Since I get a ridiculous amount of NON personal email, 
one day an idea swept through my mind: how can I actually USE it to help others? Well my dear friends, prepare to be.... AMAZED!! 
Initially I wrote a series of statements with every junk email I received. During the process I realized that my "junk mail" fell into different categories. Each one so unique to their universal intended purpose: make you feel like 
you were born yesterday..... (Thanks P.T. Barnum!) Here, then, is my (drumroll please!): Mission: (ta-daaaaa!) - Use emails that I receive: copied & pasted exactly as they are (fresh out of my inbox). Can you smell it? Hmmmm....
- Define their 'tactic' (category): not an easy task, most of them are rehashed, rinsed and repeated...
- PUBLISH and EXPOSE them so others can (hopefully) see that someone else also thought:
- "YES! I KNEW something was wrong with this!!!"
- "So you mean, this ain't real?"
- "HEY! That's the same message 'they' sent ONLY to me"!!!"...
- "So "secret" that someone else already knows about it?"
.....by now you get the idea. In addition to the mission, my goals will also include: - my sense of humor since it helps me deal with the insulting audacity these emails keep showing up in my inbox.
- grammar jewels that are just... well... they sometimes leave me speechless... ironically enough.
- resources with online links (the REAL WORKING ONES of couse!) to assist any victims
- your voice! we are all in this together....and I welcome your constructive feedback. PLUS this comes with an ADDED BONUS:
- Should this labor of love become something bigger (and it will!)... YOU will be part of this fun adventure and a recognized collaborator!
This is my start. I have lots to gather, collect, dust, buff, shine and hang out to dry so others won't be. Stay tuned! Update: 5/23/2010 
Phishing Category Sample: Bank of America email. 
To ensure delivery, add customerservice@emcom.bankofamerica.com to your address book. Exclusively for: | DOMINIQUE RYAN Online Banking Something is fishy about this one... It looks like a mistake: it appears as if nothing loaded when this email came in. Luckily (?) there is a link to 'access' whatever you are 'missing out' on. That is their intention: YOUR CURIOSITY will grant them your information. Lessons to be learned.  - Bank of America's real customer service address is NOT where this was sent from. The email in question is : customerservice@emcom.bankofamerica.com. In Bank of America's case they do not have a 'customer service' email address available. The DO have an option to contact them: (http://www.bankofamerica.com/onlinebanking/index.cfm?template=contact_us)
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Send us a secure e-mail If you already use Online Banking please login and send us an e-mail from within Online Banking. This will allow you to request changes to your account, receive answers to questions about your account, and insure the confidentiality of your account information. Click on the "Mail" link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen to send your email. For general non-account related questions about Online Banking,send us a secure e-mail. - (Highlighted) Most of the online email servers are swamped hourly with emails as these. Once the customers flag an email as junk/spam/phishing etc., it automatically warns its users. This can be a great asset most of the time.
- To ensure delivery, add customerservice@emcom.bankofamerica.com to your address book. To ensure your information being hacked and inviting/granting them to access it, go ahead and "add customerservice@emcom.bankofamerica.com to your address book." so it will by-pass ALL of your email server's filters.
- Hey they even personalized it! "Exclusively for: " Oh well..too bad "DOMINIQUE RYAN" is not on my birth certificate... or I don't feel like myself today...
- Most important detail of all....
Do I even have a  account???!!! Please add your comments, questions or suggestions!
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Posted: Wednesday, May 19, 2010
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Recently, I was very flattered when one of my colleagues, Julia Zhukova, mentioned that they enjoyed one of my stories and shared it with their contacts. The story was translated from English to Russian. I checked out their page and was very pleased. I even tried to figure out the wording since I do not speak/write in that language. While reading I noticed that there was a Google Chrome 'translate' widget on the top of the page: THIS PAGE IS IN (_Russian_) Would you like to translate it ?( _Translate_) ( _Nope_) and, sure enough... professional curiosity got the best of me...so I pressed the TRANSLATE option ...and ended up with a bigger laugh. Here, for your brain twisting pleasure, are the RE-translated (English-Russian-English) version followed by the original story version. YAY for us!!! HUMAN TRANSLATORS will never be out of a job! Chronicles Miss Interpreter Wed, 04/28/2010 12:45 - South from the blog Samiris Ortiz
(It is unfabled story with real characters, real life situations and real ... well ... you understand ..)August 2009 I'm going to a meeting designated in the law office in north-east of Atlanta.
I go and welcome the Secretary-General: "Hello, I'm Sami, a translator at a meeting with an attorney SA"
"Well, your customer is already here" - she says, and leads me the gentleman sitting in the lobby. I am the new customer, Mr CJ I see that in his hands he holds my card. He contacted me a few weeks ago, because One of my clients recommend me to him as an interpreter, and here we are. Lawyer SA welcomes us, and we are located in his office. I explain both how I'm going to transfer, and the conversation begins. The lawyer starts asking questions, and already the second I realize that we are talking about citizenship. As the conversations I've noticed, as a customer constantly repeats the phrase "if it would do so" and nods in my direction. I continue to translate, as if I had not noticed this before as long as the lawyer does not apply directly to me and says: "Do not translate this to him." You can imagine how it startled me! I'm looking for a lawyer, and he tells me with a smile: "The question directly to you, and you need to tell me something that, OK?" Of course, I agree and I hear this question:
Are you going to marry him? All I could do is answer as calmly as possible: "I can hardly understand what all is going on here?"
Still smiling, he answered me: "Now, just tell him that we are now talking about your work in my company, that he not thought of something else. And I do suggest you work in my company. " I continue the translation, pretending for the customer if they are uncomfortable that we had to pause. Then I noticed that the strategy of the conversation changed, and the questions were pronounced in the more inquisitive manner and many times ... so being a police interrogation when they try to get to know the same answer ... or not ... The meeting continues, the customer sign any forms, takes such a huge wad of money that I have not nearly seen in my entire life, counting the 3000 U.S. lawyer and clear, remains just as large, the press money back ... I suddenly thought, not whether it is a meeting with something criminal ... The meeting ended and we came out of a law firm. The lawyer reminded me that he would contact me later about the work. Hence, his proposal was valid.
In the hall, my client paid me and suddenly asked:
"¿Entonces, Usted LO haría?" ["So you do this?"]
I am puzzled. "¿Haría QUE?" ["I'll do WHAT?"] He pathetically said: "Casarse conmigo." ["Exit marry me"] "¡Yo no lo conozco!" ["But I do not know you!"] His arrogance just amazes: "Usted sí me conoce." ["Yes you know me."] "Pues no Me Usted conoce a MI. Halagador Muy Pero Me tengo Que ir. Buenos días."
[Well then you do not know me. I "flattered", but, excuse me, I need to go. All the best. "] I walked out, pretending that I - very calm. But when the elevator door shut, I'm just seething with indignation. Here Nagle stupid! How could he do to offend me, joke, you know, for it is my job, benefit, you see, he wanted me to get through! I sat in the car when my phone rang. The lawyer ... and he was really interested in that I was a translator for his Spanish clients at hearings in court. We talked about my education and work experience, and while I waited for him to receive this information on your computer, he suddenly asked me: "Tell me, your customer and then ask you about something?", And his voice sounded a smile. "Yes, he asked, - I replied, barely suppressing laughter ... Well, obviously, what he asks more "I can you know what he said?" "He asked me to marry him" - I replied, no longer restrain himself from laughing Tact with this lawyer, he continued: "So now you'll be my new employee or my new client? " "I will work with you on the contract" - I said, bursting into a laugh in a loud voice, so the situation was comical. I heard that he too was laughing. "Yes, I can tell you, you are transferred for a long time, and it does not seem that you were with him" "I did not go up to him" - I replied, still laughing. "You know him personally?" "No, I advised him to contact me one of my customers, which I translated in the hospital. I first met him today in your office "- I replied, still laughing. "So why did you say you do not come to him?" "Because we speak different languages" "But you speak very well in both English and Spanish. I, for example, do not speak fluent Spanish, but I understand it ... " "But he speaks the language of" marriage ", and I'm the language of" prefer to remain celibate "" Original:
( Please be advised the following true story involves real characters, real life drama and real ... well.. you'll see.... )
August 2009
I drive to the designated meeting at a law office in northeast Atlanta. I walk in and announce myself to the receptionist: 'Good morning, I am Sami, the interpreter for the meeting with Attorney SA."
"Oh good, your client is here!" she says as she points to a gentleman seated in the waiting area.
I walk over and introduce myself to my new client Mr. CJ. I see he is holding one of my business cards. He contacted me a few weeks before via phone. Another one of my clients referred me and here we are.
We were quickly greeted by Attorney SA and sat in his office. I proceeded to explain to both parties how I will be interpreting and we began. The attorney started to address his questions and the client answered. I realized by the second question that this was a change of citizenship status meeting.
As the conversation evolved I noticed how the client continually said 'so if she does that' and motioning to me. I continued interpreting as if I did not notice until the attorney addresses me directly when he says:
" Do not interpret this to him."
He's got my attention! I look at the attorney and he says with a smile: " This question is for you only, you have to explain something to me, OK?" I agree. And then I hear him say:
"Are YOU going to be his WIFE?"
All I could answer as calmly as possible was: "I am trying to figure out what is going on too."
He continues smiling and says:"Just tell him that I am offering you a job here to translate, so he does not think anything else. And I am offering."
I proceed to do just that, faking an apology for the side conversation, and we continue. I noticed the line of questioning changed to a more inquisitive and repetitive tone... the type of questioning police use to see if the same answer comes out ...or not...
The meeting continued, the client signed some forms, takes out the biggest wad of money I have seen up close in my entire life, gives the attorney US$3000 cash and puts away the rest -still a huge amount-...
I am starting to wonder if at some point this meeting is illegal somewhere....
The meeting comes to a close and we leave the attorney's office. The attorney lets me know he will contact me later about the offer. He meant it. Out in the hallway the client pays me for my time and suddenly asks: "¿Entonces, usted lo haría?" ["So, would you do it?"]
I am puzzled. "¿Haría QUE?" ["Do WHAT?"]
He smugly says: "Casarse conmigo." [" Marry me."]
"¡Yo no lo conozco!" ["I don't know you!"]
His arrogance is amazing: "Usted sí me conoce." ["You do know me."]
"Pues usted no me conoce a MI. Muy halagador pero me tengo que ir. Buenos días."
[Then you do not know ME. Very flattering but I must leave. Good day."]
I left the corridor, in a pretended calmness. By the time the elevator closed I was flaming mad. The BALLS of this IDIOT!!! How dare he insult me like this and taking my job as a joke for his benefit!!!
I was getting in the car when my phone rings. It's the attorney... he really was interested in hiring me for all his Hispanic clients and court cases. We spoke about my credentials and experience. While he is waiting for my online information to show up in his computer he suddenly asks:
"So did he say anything to you after you left my office?" I could hear him smiling.
"Yes sir, he did." I answered smiling and almost laughing. I know where this is heading...
" May I ask what he said?"
" He asked me to marry him." I almost can't say it without laughing.
And as a typical tactful lawyer he says: "So will you be my new employee or my new client?"
"I'll be your new contract worker" and I burst out laughing, this was too funny. I hear him laughing too.
"Yeah, I can tell you have been translating for a long time. You did not look like you were going along with him."
"I am not his type anyway sir," I am still laughing.
" So you know him personally?"
"No sir, he was a referral from one of the medical patients that I interpret for. I met him today at your office for the first time."
" So why do you say you are not his type?"
"Because we don't speak in the same language."
"But your English and Spanish are excellent!, I cannot speak Spanish fluently but I can understand it though..."
"Sir, he speaks marriage.
I speak single."
Just another day in Interpreting Land...
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Posted: Sunday, May 16, 2010
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Posted: Saturday, May 15, 2010
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Since I get a ridiculous amount of NON personal email,
one day an idea swept through my mind: how can I actually USE it to help others? Well my dear friends, prepare to be.... AMAZED!!
Initially I wrote a series of statements with every junk email I received. During the process I realized that my "junk mail" fell into different categories. Each one so unique to their universal intended purpose: make you feel like you were born yesterday..... (Thanks P.T. Barnum!) Here, then, is my (drumroll please!): Mission: (ta-daaaaa!) - Use emails that I receive: copied & pasted exactly as they are (fresh out of my inbox). Can you smell it? Hmmmm....
- Define their 'tactic' (category): not an easy task, most of them are rehashed, rinsed and repeated...
- PUBLISH and EXPOSE them so others can (hopefully) see that someone else also thought:
- "YES! I KNEW something was wrong with this!!!"
- "So you mean, this ain't real?"
- "HEY! That's the same message 'they' sent ONLY to me"!!!"...
- "So "secret" that someone else already knows about it?"
.....by now you get the idea. In addition to the mission, my goals will also include: - my sense of humor since it helps me deal with the insulting audacity these emails keep showing up in my inbox.
- grammar jewels that are just... well... they sometimes leave me speechless... ironically enough.
- resources with online links (the REAL WORKING ONES of couse!) to assist any victims
- your voice! we are all in this together....and I welcome your constructive feedback. PLUS this comes with an ADDED BONUS:
- Should this labor of love become something bigger (and it will!)... YOU will be part of this fun adventure and a recognized collaborator!
This is my start. I have lots to gather, collect, dust, buff, shine and hang out to dry so others won't be. Stay tuned! Update: 5/23/2010
Phishing Category Sample: Bank of America email. Bank of America Alert: Online Banking Verification? From: Bank of America Alert (customerservice@emcom.bankofamerica.com)  This message may be a phishing scam. Learn more Sent: Sun 5/23/10 11:49 AM To: <my email address> To ensure delivery, add customerservice@emcom.bankofamerica.com to your address book. Exclusively for: | DOMINIQUE RYAN Online Banking Something is fishy about this one It looks like a mistake: it appears as if nothing loaded when this email came in. Luckily (?) there is a link to 'access' whatever you are 'missing out' on. That is their intention: YOUR CURIOSITY will grant them your information. Lessons to be learned. - Bank of America's real customer service address is NOT where this was sent from. The email in question is : customerservice@emcom.bankofamerica.com. In Bank of America's case they do not have a 'customer service' email address available. The DO have an option to contact them: (http://www.bankofamerica.com/onlinebanking/index.cfm?template=contact_us)
-
Send us a secure e-mail If you already use Online Banking please login and send us an e-mail from within Online Banking. This will allow you to request changes to your account, receive answers to questions about your account, and insure the confidentiality of your account information. Click on the "Mail" link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen to send your email. For general non-account related questions about Online Banking,send us a secure e-mail. - (Highlighted) Most of the online email servers are swamped hourly with emails as these. Once the customers flag an email as junk/spam/phishing etc., it automatically warns its users. This can be a great asset most of the time.
- To ensure delivery, add customerservice@emcom.bankofamerica.com to your address book. To ensure your information being hacked and inviting/granting them to access it, go ahead and "add customerservice@emcom.bankofamerica.com to your address book." so it will by-pass ALL of your email server's filters.
- Hey they even personalized it! "Exclusively for: " Oh well..too bad "DOMINIQUE RYAN" is not on my birth certificate... or I don't feel like myself today...
- Most important detail of all....
Do I even have a Bank of America account????? Please add your comments, questions or suggestions!
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Posted: Monday, April 26, 2010
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Oh me oh my. Once again I've been hit.
Let me rephrase that. It's more like.... hmmm.. time to use those extra Batman special effects that I haven't use yet... 
This time time I (sort of) invited the fake offer into my inbox. With open keyboard fingers and even a tail wagging mouse... 
I feel a bit... hmmm... how should I say this carefully?.... 
OK enough with the bat-episodes sounds... but I am entitled. After all, I do receive -a batty amount of- scam emails.
But this time it was like I gave them a red carpet treatment!
It all started with a simple Customer Service job search in a list from a Craig that has no last name on the web... and I see: A leader in the Funiture industry is currently seeking a Customer Service Representative. Responsibilities will include maintaining a set group of customer and broker accounts.
JOB DESCRIPTION
Handles customer questions, complaints, and billing inquiries with the highest degree of courtesy and professionalism to resolve customer issues with one call resolution. Offers alternative solutions where appropriate with the objective of retaining customer's business. Handles business transactions in connection with activation of new customer accounts on a computer terminal. Communicates with customers using web-based tools and demonstrates the associated proficiency in typing and grammar.
GENERAL ESSENTIAL FUNCTIONS WHICH ARE NORMALLY REQUIRED:
1. Manage and utilize time effectives to ensure department meets requires service levels for improved customer satisfaction results.
2. Answers customer/client requests or inquiries concerning services, products, billing, equipment, claims, and reports problem areas.
3. May be required to work in one or multiple queues/skill sets over various customer contact channels.
4. Responsible for improving customer retention through programs and service provided to the customer
5 Utilizes mechanized systems to initiate and complete service orders and handle customer requests.
6. Continually maintain working knowledge of all company products, services and promotions.
7. Make recommendations according to customer’s needs on features, accessories, upgrades and rate plans.
PHYSICAL REQUIREMENTS
No physical requirements.
BASIC QUALIFICATIONS
- HS Diploma/GED or equivalent
- At least 17 years of age
- 6 months experience operating a computer in Windows based environment
TRAINING
-Classroom training.
-On-the-job training.
-On-line training.
COMPENSATION
Ashley Funiture Inc. is proud to be an Equal Opportunity Employer, Drug Free Work Place.
Earnings are based on previous experience.
Earnings $40/hour
Competitive salary and great benefits (medical, dental, vision, 401(k) Tuition Reimbursement and much more).
Send resumes to email above..
- This is a part-time job.
- OK to highlight this job opening for persons with disabilities
- OK for recruiters to contact this job poster.
- Please, no phone calls about this job!
- Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
Did you see that? They are offering a position for $40 per hour to anyone out of high school that can use a pc. Plus benefits. After sending a reply for such a demanding and carefully screened position this is what I received:
Re: Craiglist job offer 1705896945: CSR NEEDED.$25.5/HR? From: Fredrick Mark (frdrckmrk38@gmail.com) Sent: Mon 4/26/10 7:47 PM To: -my real email address was here- Dear Applicant,
You are getting this email in regards to the resume you sent to us on CRAIGSLISTS for the position of " Customer Service Representative ". We are sorry for the late reply to your resume you sent to on CRAIGSLIST.You can find more details about our Company and we are very sure you would want to read more; ABOUT US :
Ashley Furniture is a core manufacturing and distribution center of occasional tables and wall systems worldwide. Founded in 1945, the company has become a World Class Furniture Manufacturer, and has grown to become the largest home furniture manufacturing company. Ashley has a rich history of success stories that illustrate its dramatic transition from a ‘virtual unknown’ to a significant force in the industry. For over half of a century, the company has remained committed to its Vision Statement: The HR Managers checked your resume and you have been selected as one of our possible candidates for Customer Service Representative.Due to some factors of the Company,Your primary task would be receiving payments for our company from Customers. We are about to open a representative offices or authorized sales centers in some local city in the States, And you can be awarded to head our branch office when finally established in your state, but this will be determined by your commitment and how honest you are with first primary task. Your Home Customer Service Representative assignments and first primary duty would be that you become our Account Receivable Manager (ARM) and its a contract -to-hire position which is a 1 month trail after which the position is made full time.Please be advised that we need total dedication for the job. Interview and Instructions will be scheduled for you when you get payment for the company, get payment from our client and customers as your first primary assignment for the Customer Service Position.. Your First Primary task(Collection of Payments)
1. Receive payment from our Customers or Clients.
2. Cash Payment at your Bank or any cashing facilities near you.
3. Deduct 12.5 % which will be your percentage/pay on Payment processed.
4. Forward balance after deduction of percentage/pay to any of the offices you will be contacted to send payment to. You'll have a lot of free time doing another job, because this job is part time, you'll get good income .But this job is very challenging and you should understand it. We are considering your application because you satisfy our requirements and we are sure you will be an earnest assistant till we start running our branch office in your state. 5.You must respond to email and phone calls when you get the payment for proper instruction You have to fill the Information given to you below so that we can add your mailing address to our Regional database and we have to re-confirmed the mailing address in our Database. First name..................
Middle name...............
Last name...................
Address Line 1.............
Address Line 2............
City.........................
State........................
Zip/Postal code.........
Home phone...............
Cell phone...................
Age..........................
Gender.......................
Personal Email Address..... Your response to this email is needed , so that we can reconfirm your mailing address details we have in our data base. I will let you know what to do .please we need total dedication to this Job. Your prompt reply will determine how hardworking and fast you will handle the Job (Customer Service Position).We will be waiting for prompt reply from you if you really ready for the job position and i will inform you when the payments is coming plus necessary things to do. I will be looking forward to hearing from you for the job position.
Once Again Congratulations!!!!
Fredrick Mark.
HIRING MANAGER,
Ashley Furniture Inc.
frdrckmrk38@gmail.com
CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This transmittal is a confidential communication or may otherwise be privileged. If you are not interested in the job offer, you are hereby notified that you have received this transmittal in error and that review, dissemination, distribution or copying of this transmittal is strictly prohibited. ?© 2010 Ashley Furniture Industries Inc.
All rights reserved. *** NOTICE***
You are to reply as soon as possible and we will get back to you within 24 hours.
C R R R R A P ! I immediately realize that I've wasted a great cover letter and resume on a scam offer. But there is always an upside. After reporting the 'offer' to the abuse dept and flagging the 'job' post, I felt a need. To proofread the darned thing. I feel so much better now. Here it is for your continued enjoyment: CSR NEEDED.$25.5/HR versions 1.0 and v1.¾ versions 1.0: decorated with ass-sorted (yeah, it's intentional) grammar, punctuation, and comprehension highlights. version 1.¾ goes in details about what I think about their 'details'.
version 1.0: Highlights for kids!
- Dear Applicant,
- You are getting this email in regards to the resume you sent to us on CRAIGSLISTS
- for the position of " Customer Service Representative ". We are sorry for the late reply
- to your resume you sent to on CRAIGSLIST.
- You can find more details about our Company and
- we are very sure you would want to read more;
-
- ABOUT US :
- Ashley Furniture is a core manufacturing and distribution center
- of occasional tables and wall systems worldwide.
- Founded in 1945, the company has become a World Class Furniture Manufacturer,
- and has grown to become the largest home furniture manufacturing company.
- Ashley has a rich history of success stories that illustrate its dramatic transition from a ‘virtual unknown’ to a significant force in the industry.
- For over half of a century, the company has remained committed to its Vision Statement:
-
- The HR Managers checked your resume and
- you have been selected as one of our possible candidates for Customer Service Representative.Due to some factors of the
- Company,Your primary task would be
- receiving payments for our company from Customers.
- We are about to open a representative offices or
- authorized sales centers in some local city
- in the States, And you can be awarded to head our branch office
- when finally established in your state, but this will be determined by your commitment and how honest you are
- with first primary task.
-
- Your Home Customer Service Representative assignments and first primary duty would be that you
- become our Account Receivable Manager (ARM) and
- its a contract -to-hire position
- which is a 1 month trail after which
- the position is made full time.Please be advised that we need total dedication for the job. Interview and Instructions will be scheduled for you when you get payment for the company, get payment from our client and customers as
- your first primary assignment for the Customer Service Position..
-
- Your First Primary task(Collection of Payments)
- 1. Receive payment from our Customers or Clients.
- 2. Cash Payment at your Bank or any cashing facilities near you.
- 3. Deduct 12.5 % which will be your percentage/pay on Payment processed.
- 4. Forward balance after deduction of percentage/pay to any of the offices you will be contacted to send payment to.
-
- You'll have a lot of free time doing another job, because this job is part time, you'll get good income .But this job is very
- challenging and you should understand it. We are considering your application because you satisfy our requirements
- and we are sure you will be an earnest assistant
- till we start running our branch office in your state.
-
- 5.You must respond to email and phone calls when you get the payment for proper instruction You have to
- fill the Information given to you below so that we can add your mailing address to our Regional database and
- we have to re-confirmed the mailing address in our Database.
-
- First name..................
- Middle name...............
- Last name...................
- Address Line 1.............
- Address Line 2............
- City.........................
- State........................
- Zip/Postal code.........
- Home phone...............
- Cell phone...................
- Age..........................
- Gender.......................
- Personal Email Address.....
-
- Your response to this email is needed , so that we
- can reconfirm your mailing address details we have in our data base.
- I will let you know what to do .please we need total dedication to this Job.
-
- Your prompt reply will determine how hardworking and fast you will handle the Job (Customer Service Position).
- We will be waiting for prompt reply from you if
- you really ready for the job position and i will inform you when
- the payments is coming plus
- necessary things to do. I will be looking forward to hearing from you for the job position.
-
- Once Again Congratulations!!!!
- Fredrick Mark.
- HIRING MANAGER,
- Ashley Furniture Inc.
- frdrckmrk38@gmail.com
- CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This transmittal is a confidential communication or may otherwise be privileged. If you are not interested in the job offer, you are hereby notified that you have received this transmittal in error and that review, dissemination, distribution or copying of this transmittal is strictly prohibited.
- ?© 2010 Ashley Furniture Industries Inc.
- All rights reserved.
- *** NOTICE***
You are to reply as soon as possible and we will get back to you within 24 hours. version 1.¾: A line by line blow....out! - Applicant, So you forgot my name huh?
- to us on CRAIGSLISTS Is there more than one? gosh.. I have a lot of catching up to do..
- We are sorry for the late reply I just sent it yesterday! Are you an instant courier?
- CRAIGSLIST. What happened to CRAIGLISTS? Did they downsize that quickly? Not a good sign...
- Company and And You Feel A Sudden Need To Capitalize Your Description Because....
- we are very sure you would want to read more; Why YES, you are very sure allright.
-
-
- Ashley Furniture
- of occasional tables and wall systems
- World Class Furniture Manufacturer,
- Ashley
- Vision Statement:
-
- HR Managers
- Representative.Due to
- Company,Your
- receiving payments for our company from Customers.
- a representative offices
- in some local city
- in the States, And
- and how honest you are
- first primary
-
- Home Customer Service Representative
- become our Account Receivable Manager (ARM) and
- its a contract -to-hire position
- which is a 1 month trail
- is made full time.Please
- your first primary assignment for the Customer Service Position..
-
- Your First Primary task(Collection of Payments)
- 1. Receive payment from our Customers or Clients.
- 2. Cash Payment at your Bank or any cashing facilities near you.
- 3. Deduct 12.5 % which will be your percentage/pay on Payment processed.
- 4. Forward balance after deduction of percentage/pay to any of the offices you will be contacted to send payment to.
-
- income .But
- you satisfy our requirements
- and we are sure you will be an earnest assistant
- till
-
- n You
- Regional database and
- re-confirmed the mailing address in our Database.
-
- First name..................
- Middle name...............
- Last name...................
- Address Line 1.............
- Address Line 2............
- City.........................
- State........................
- Zip/Postal code.........
- Home phone...............
- Cell phone...................
- Age..........................
- Gender.......................
- Personal Email Address.....
-
- needed , so
- reconfirm your mailing address details we have in our data base.
- I will let you know what to do .please we need total dedication to this Job.
-
- how hardworking and fast you will handle the Job (Customer Service Position).
- for prompt reply from you if
- you really ready for the job position and i will
- the payments is coming
-
- Once Again Congratulations!!!!
- Fredrick Mark.
- HIRING MANAGER,
- Ashley Furniture Inc.
- frdrckmrk38@gmail.com
- CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This transmittal is a confidential communication or may otherwise be privileged. If you are not interested in the job offer, you are hereby notified that you have received this transmittal in error and that review, dissemination, distribution or copying of this transmittal is strictly prohibited.
- ?© 2010 Ashley Furniture Industries Inc.
- All rights reserved.
- *** NOTICE***
You are to reply as soon as possible and we will get back to you within 24 hours. The email and the 'offer' have been reported. The laughs have been recorded. No batteries required. Must refrigerate after opening.
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Posted: Sunday, April 25, 2010
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How to write a convincing scam letter. Lesson 5.
Today's lesson:
CHECK THE LINK*
Trust us! After all...
~We are bona fide~
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
October 2009
Dear PayPal Customer,
As part of our security measures,We regularly check the work of the PayPal screen. We demand information to you for the following reason :
Our system detected unusual charges to a credit card linked to your PayPal account.
This is the final reminder to log in to PayPal as soon as possible. Once you are connected. PayPal will provide you with steps to restore access to your account .
Click here to confirm *
Once connected, follow the steps to activate your account. Thank you for your understanding as we work to ensure account security . We appreciate your attention to this question. Please understand that this is a security measure aimed at protecting you and your account. We apologize for any inconvenience ..
Thank you for using PayPal!
______________________________________________________________________________
This notification was sent to you by PayPal. To change your notification preferences, log into your PayPal account, click the Profile sub-tab, then click the Notifications link under Account Information. Changes take up to 10 days to be reflected in our mailings. PayPal will not sell or rent your personally identifiable information to tiers.Pour more information about the security of your information, read our privacy policy at https://www.paypal.com/privacy .
Copyright © 2009 PayPal Inc. All rights reserved. Designated trademarks and brands are the property of their respective owners. PayPal is located at 2211 First St. N., San Jose, CA 95131.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
So what is wrong with today's email?
Here is where your eyes stop looking for this
*
when you HOVER (to place on top of WITHOUT clicking or pressing enter) your pointer/icon/cursor/mouse over any
'click here' or
http address link within an email
your lower left browser space or a floating box within your screen shows you the REAL link's destination: no need to click!
(if you do so with the sampler placed above, it should take you to facebook's homepage).
In the email presented for our lesson today, I deliberately truncated the link area, but if you need to check where this was going, feel free to visit at your own risk of losing something:
h t t p : / / servicecheckcentronline . com / paypal . com / cgi-bin/webscrcmd=_login-run/webscrcmd=_account-run/paypal/processing.php
Yes, I still edited the link for your protection. I am not responsible for how you will or not use it.
Obviously PayPal has nothing to do with this message.
Here is your sublesson: The breakdown.
ONE: h t t p : / / servicecheckcentronline . com / paypal . com /cgi-bin/webscrcmd=_login-run/webscrcmd=_account-run/paypal/processing.php
This area should read ""https" "://" "paypal" ".com" ALWAYS. No exceptions.
TWO: h t t p : / / servicecheckcentronline . com / paypal . com /cgi-bin/webscrcmd=_login-run/webscrcmd=_account-run/paypal/processing.php
This is the senders' tactics at work: COLLECT DATA
-your email
-your account
-your financial info
-your new nightmare....
THREE: h t t p : / / servicecheckcentronline . com / paypal . com / cgi-bin/webscrcmd=_login-run/webscrcmd=_account-run/paypal/processing.php
Niiiice... for anyone paying attention,
this is the prize in the Cracker Jack box....from a cereal box.
Hypertext Preprocessor: and straight from 'reputable' Wikipedia it states:
Most of these PHP-related vulnerabilities can be exploited remotely: they allow hackers to steal or destroy data from data sources linked to the webserver (such as an SQL database), send spam or contribute to DOS attacks using malware, which itself can be installed on the vulnerable servers.
Need to read it and verify this for yourself? Here is the link to the wiki page.
Really! Well,....
is it?
Lesson 5 is now cleared for take off. Class dismissed.
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Posted: Sunday, April 25, 2010
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How to write a convincing scam letter. Lesson 4. Today's lesson: Duplicity, Today's lesson. Double identity. Today's extra lesson: Deja Vu? Let's play a version of a game I learned in Sesame Street: One of these things is not like the others, One of these things just doesn't belong, Can you tell which thing is not like the others By the time I finish my song? Letter 1 states help is on the way. Letter 2 states lotto winnings on the way. Letter 3 is from an urgent matter. Letter 4 matters urgently. Letter 5...added bonus. *°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°* *°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°* Letter 1 From Desk of the Secretary-General(World Bank Group) From: Frederick Monahan (edjoneslaw@btinternet.com) Sent: Tue 10/06/09 7:32 PM To: From Desk of the Secretary-GeneralWorld Bank Group, LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM I am Mr. Frederick Monahan, Bill and Exchange Manager/ Secretary General, Headof the World Bank Finance Group, London Branch, set up to fight against scamand fraudulent activities worldwide. This Group is responsible forinvestigating the legitimacy of unpaid contract, inheritance and lottowinning claims by companies and individuals and directs the payingauthorities (banks) worldwide to make immediate payment of verified claimsto the beneficiaries without further delay. Meanwhile, you are being legally contacted regarding the release of your longawaited and overdue fund. After a detailed review of your file, the World Bank Group has mandated that the sum stated below should be released immediately. The sum ofUS$10,625,000.00 (Ten Million Six Hundred and Twenty Five Thousand UnitedStates Dollars) has been approved in your favour via my desk. I thereforewish to inform you that your payment is being processed and will be releasedto you as soon as you respond to this letter. The fund will be release toyour nominated bank account, if this committee has verify that thetransaction was legal, and if it is not legal, that mean you have be scam byillegal individual or institude,that mean you will be among the list thatwill be compensated. Barclays Finance Plc London was given theauthority to legally release your fund to you. The bank detail will be givento you after will have verify your claim. The below are the bank detail of the bank that was given the authority to release your payment to you. BARCLAYS FINANCE PLC LONDON. I Barclays Road WestminsterLondon. United Kingdom Tel:+44-7092895683 Fax: +44-7092895683 A compensation fund was also raise by the UNITED STATE government, British government and some Asia countries.US$725 Millions dollars was raise, this was the support of PRESIDENT OBAMA of United State, to pay all unpaid funds, and if this institute verify that you where scam by the wrong people, a compensation of $435,000.will be immediately release to you. Please you must respond with more detail, if you have be scam or you have unpaid fund with any British institute or individual and British bank or any Bank that was not release to you, this committee will verify if you where scam by illegal institute or individual. If you have unpaid fund, what is the amount? Because the above amount was confirm from our list that you have unpaid fund. Please re-confirm to us the following: (1) Your Full Name: (2) Phone, Fax and Mobile Number: (3) Company Name, Home Address: (4) Profession, Age and Marital status: Note that the above fund has been cleared from terrorist or fraud related activities.You are advice to call me for more detail. +44-701 113 1242. Most importantly, one of the British security banks was given authority to release payment to you. We shall forward you with the detail of the bank after we have received your respond. Thanks for Your Cooperation. Mr. Frederick Monahan Debit Reconciliation Office Attached To (Secretary-General Office) World Bank Group. FrederickMonahan@aim.com *°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°* *°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°* Letter 2 CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR $350.000.00 ONLINE WINNING From: ACCU LOTTERY COMPANY (info_acculottery2009@administrativos.com) Sent: Tue 10/06/09 6:08 PM To: .....ACCULOTTO COMPANY.......... ..........WE FACILITATE YOUR FINANCIAL DREAMS... OFFICE OF THE INTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS AND PRIZE AWARD DEPARTMENT Suite 12, 50 Queensland street , London, UK, 5000 Date of issue: 06/10/2009 Dear Email owner, LETTER OF NOTIFICATION We are delighted to inform you on the result of the E-mail address ballot lottery draws of the ACCULOTTO COMPANY 2nd category cash-out lotto BV2009 international program, which took place on the 06th of October, 2009,during which your e-mail address emerged as one of our ten lucky winners . This is a computer generated lottery of Internet users using email addresses for draws. This lotto draw is fully based on an electronic selection of winners using their e-mail addresses from different World Wide Web (www) sites. Your e-mail address attached to ticket number: 275-189-657-23-05 withial ber 8756-05 drew the lucky numbers and bonus ball number the lucky numbers and bonus ball number which subsequently won you the lottery in the 1st category. You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of US$350,000.00 (THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND U.S DOLLARS) in cash credit file ref:ILP/HW 47509/02. This is from the total cash prize of US$3,500,000 Million Dollars, shared among the first Ten (10) lucky winners in this category. All participants were selected randomly through a computer balloting system drawn from nine hundred thousand e-mail addresses from Canada, Australia, United States, Asia, Europe, Middle East, Africa and Oceania as part of our international promotions program which is conducted annually. This Lottery is being promoted and sponsored by a conglomerate of Multinational companies as part of their social responsibility to the citizens in the communities where they have operational base. We also hope that you will avail yourself this golden opportunity in realizing theobjective of this program. For more information log onto our website www.acculotto.com ALSO contact your regional claims agent for your payment: FULL NAME; Revered Paul Dalton TELEPHONE LINE:+44 [0] 7023080965 EMAIL: enquires.acculotteryoffice@administrativos.com Fill and send the form below to your claims agent. LOTTERY WINNERS APPLICATION FORM OF PAYMENT. FULL NAME.......................... ....................... ADDRESS....................... ........................... SEX..............AGE........................... ....... OCCUPATION.................... ....................... TELEPHONE..................... ..................... DATE.......................... ............................ WINNER REF/BATCH NO.......................... .APPROVED FOR PAYMENT. Please quote your reference and winning number which are stated above and ensure that the data is kept highly confidential for security reasons until your claim is processed and your prize money remitted/released to you. This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some unscrupulous elements, equally to guard against non participant or unofficial personnel taking undue advantage of this program. Note that, all winnings MUST be claimed by a STIPULATED TIME. otherwise all funds will be returned as Unclaimed and eventually be reabsorbed into our next lucky dip sweepstakes. Congratulations on your winnings!!! Yours in service, Mrs.Dwell Hope. Executive Co-ordinator (National Lottery Agency). Dr. P. Swier, Mr. Gerald Goodman (Manager Foreign Operations), Mr. Franklyn Van Der Weijden (Manager Domestic Banking Operations), Dr. James Williams (Director International Credit Department), Mrs. Sandra Murphy (Executive), Mr. Michael Cole (Executive), Mr. Stephen Boer (Chairman). PLEASE ENSURE YOU CONTACT OUR CORRESPONDENT OFFICE OR YOUR CLAIMS AGENT WITH HIS EMAIL ADDRESS AS WRITTEN ABOVE. ANY BREACH OF CONFIDENTIALITY ON THE PART OF THE WINNERS WILL RESULT TO DISQUALIFICATION. *°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°* *°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°* Letter 3 Hello, I am Major Glenn Eugene, with the US COLORADO WARSHIP in Yemeni/Somalia Intl Waters, we have $8Million USD in our possession and we want to move it out of the country, your share in this deal is 2,8Million USD for assistance rendered,Please respond for complete detailed information if interested. Your Buddy. Major Clarence Eugene. Email :major.clarenceglenneugene@hotmail.com *°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°* *°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°* Letter 4 DO NOT IGNORE .(please read and get back to me) From: Mr.Frank Wuddah (frankwuddahh@sify.com) Sent: Tue 10/06/09 4:35 PM To: Good Day, Sorry for not having the pleasure of knowing your mindset before making you this offer as it is utterly hellconfidential and genuine by virtue of its nature. I write to solicit your assistance in a funds transfer deal involving US$3.5M. This fund has been stashed out of the excess profit made last year by my branch office the International Commercial Bank which I am the manager. I have already submitted an approved end of the year report for the year 2008 to my head office here in Accra-Ghana and they will never know of this excess. I have since then, placed this amount on a Non-Investment Account without a beneficiary.Upon your response, I will configure your name on our database as holder of the Non-Investment Account. I will then guide you on how to apply to my head office for the Account Closure/ bank-to-bank remittance of the funds to your designated bank account. If you concur with this proposal, I intend for you to retain 30% of the funds while 70% shall be for me. Regards, Mr. Frank Wuddah +233-26-5015664 *°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°* *°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°* Letter 5 Mr. Douglas Blair From: Douglas Blair (lisalemus@sbcglobal.net) Sent: Tue 10/06/09 1:24 PM To: Douglas Blair & Associates. 20 Lincoln's Inn Fields London WC2A 3EE Tel +447045761746 mrdouglas@excite.it Dear Sir/Madam, I am Douglas Blair in London; my late client an expatriate was killed inan unknown circumstance and before his death, deposited a consignmentcontaining $22,500,000.00 U.S Dollars with a vault Company In Europe.I decided to search for any of my late client's relative which has beenvery difficult for me before those consignments get confiscated ordeclared unserviceable by the vault company because they have given me amandate to present any family heirs to my late client.This is why I am writing to you so that I will assist you claim thisconsignment. I will prepare every operation that will assist your claim.The consignment will be released to you within 12 working days after youhave filed in for claims. I will like you to acknowledge the receipt ofthis e-mail as soon as possible via my email with the following Information: ..... :1.YOUR FULL NAMES.......................... 2. YOUR CONTACT ADDRESS: ........................ 3. YOUR NATIONALITY: .............................. 4. YOUR OCCUPATION: .................................. 5. YOUR DIRECT PHONE NUMBER: ............................ 6.YOUR SEX:.............. I look forward to your quick reply. Thanks, Mr. Douglas Blair *°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°* *°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°* Did you guess which thing was not like the others? Did you guess which thing just doesn't belong? If you guessed that ALL are like the others, Then you're absolutely...right! Lesson 4 has left the building. Class dismissed.
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Posted: Sunday, April 25, 2010
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How to write a convincing scam letter. Lesson 3. Class is now in session. Fresh from my junkmail files. Today's example is yet another gem: Masters of Disguise. Or as they best self proclaim in the TITLE of the email (yes a title!) "ARRESTED SCAMMERS". Tan tan taaaaaaaaan. Whatever. *°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°* ARRESTED SCAMMERS From: inspectorjerry@mail2police.com (1)Sent: Tue 10/06/09 8:10 PM To: ECONOMIC AND FINANCIAL CRIMES COMMISSION (2)WUSE 2, ABUJA. NIGERIA. ATTENTION , I am agent Anthony Okoro(1) of the Economic and financial Crime Commission (EFCC)(2), Nigeria. We are responsible for the investigation of any form of Financial Crime(3) and apprehension of its perpetrators in Nigeria(4). We carried out some arrest(5) few days ago related to scam issues and one of the culprits confessed that he had scammed you of some amount of money. You must go ahead and contact our Operations department through the e-mail address provided below for more information on how your money will be returned back to you: Operations Department: inspectorjerry@mail2police.com(1)Officer in Inspector Jerry Emeka(1)Go ahead and contact the department above for your refund. (6) Regards, Agent Anthony Okoro(1)For EFCC *°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°* OK. This was too easy. But for the scam email impaired, here it is: (1) From: inspectorjerry@mail2police.com, agent Anthony Okoro, Operations Department:inspectorjerry@mail2police.com, Officer in Inspector Jerry Emeka, Agent Anthony Okoro.... who ARE you again? Make up your mind!!! (2) ECONOMIC AND FINANCIAL CRIMES COMMISSION, Economic and financial Crime Commission (EFCC) ....couldn't come up with something more seriously official sounding, huh? (3) any form of Financial Crime(3) "Any" huh? I want to report Wall Street, AIG, Enron, Exxon, BP, Chevron, Fannie Mae, Bernie Madoff, that Texan governor who pretended to be president for 8 years... (4) and apprehension of its perpetrators in Nigeria Well hot dog. I guess I will have to send them over there. You take Western Union? (5) We carried out some arrest not just an arrest? it was SOME arrest...whoa is me. (6) I will contact you for my refund immediately after I forward this letter to Bill Gates so I can get some free The Gap box of clothes that I will wear to my free Disney trip from Lucasfilm... just for forwarding this email! Today's lesson: Consistency and con-(per)sistency. What a pair!*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*°º?¤?o0O0o?¤?º°*
Lesson 3 is now ended. Class dismissed!
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